![]() If we knew to expect the eventual fall from grace that occurs with every couple in a committed relationship, we wouldn't feel so shocked when it happens. While the first round of falling in love may be characterized by strong feelings of love, a desire to spend a lot of time together, butterflies, and even a feeling of ecstatic bliss, the subsequent rounds are usually much less exciting. But falling out of love doesn't mean your relationship is over. The eternal beloved who, just days or weeks before made life worth living, is now a regular, flawed, sometimes annoying human being. We take this to mean that the heart-pounding, exhilarating feelings that characterize the first stage of a relationship have faded. Constantly fantasizing about being with other people or intensely craving new experiences is a sign that you're no longer fully invested in your partner."I just wasn't in love anymore." " I love you, but I'm not in love with you." We hear these statements as common reasons one person left a relationship. When someone falls out of love, "They begin to shift their perspective from 'we' back to 'me,' primarily concerned with protecting their own needs, pursuing their own interests (at the expense of their partner), and building up distance or possibly resentment within the relationship," says Dokun. If you find yourself thinking about all the things you could do and people you could meet if only you weren't in a relationship, it might be a sign you've fallen out of love. Your innocent crush can become a problem, though, if it minimizes your desire for your partner. ![]() After all, you're only human, and you can't help but find other people attractive. If you've been in a monogamous relationship with your partner for a long time, it's totally normal for you to develop a crush on someone else-as long as you don't act on it. You’re Longing for Someone (or Something) Else It doesn't always mean you are no longer in love, but it's definitely a sign you should open a line of communication. "Feeling hopeless about the future could be that you’ve missed out on having meaningful conversations to this point and you’re unaware of your partner’s desires," says Dokun. Not looking forward to a future with your partner could be a clear indication of your faded feelings, but it could also be more complicated than that. When you sit down to talk to your partner, "Simply state what you feel, and the concerns you’re having about what this could mean for your future together." First, "Process your feelings through journaling, meditation, or even speaking with a neutral party, like a therapist," says Dokun. If you feel unhappy, trapped, or scared at the idea of being with your partner for the long haul, it's time to have a conversation with them. If you're unsure if you're falling out of love, ask yourself how you feel about your future as a couple. You Feel Uncertain About Your Future With Them If you're wondering whether or not you're falling out of love with your partner, be on the lookout for these eight signs. Even if you don't want to hurt the person, it's imperative that you listen to your heart and do what's best for you and your partner. You may feel pangs of guilt about your faded feelings, but that doesn't mean you should stay in a relationship that doesn't bring you joy. Keep in mind that if you feel like you're falling out of love, it doesn't mean you don't care about your partner it just means those intense feelings you used to experience aren't quite there anymore. When falling out of love, "We often become fixated on our differences, unable to find any common ground, and the flaws our partner has are no longer viewed as opportunities for growth but major character flaws," says Dokun. Unlike leaving the honeymoon phase of a relationship, which is an important step in taking your partnership to the next level, falling out of love means seeing the negative aspects of the person and not being able to move past them. She is the cofounder of therapy practice Healthy Minds NYC and the founder of Women of Consequence, a life-coaching service for women. ![]() Chanel Dokun is a life planner and relationship expert trained in marriage and family therapy.
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